Gifts and Etiquette

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Let's All Behave When Traveling This Summer

A recent newspaper article stated that more Americans will be traveling this summer than last year. That means fuller flights, congested roads, more crowded trains and possibly tempers rising.

With the summer travel boom in mind, here are a few tips to keep in mind:

1. If you're in someone's way in a terminal, move! Recently, I was waiting to board a fully booked flight that had passengers spilling out of the seating area into the terminal hallway. Even after a handful of motorized carts honked to get through, people just stood there. What was even more unbelievable was when the plane started to board--people who were crowded by the gate but who clearly wouldn't be boarding first didn't step aside. They expected everyone else to go around them, which is what we had to do in order to get down the gangway.

2. When you're in an airport or sitting on a train, keep your cell phone conversations to a minimum. If you must take a call, figure out a way to get to an isolated spot where you won't bother others. Why must callers continue to chat as if they were alone in an office when, in fact, they are sitting close enough that others can steal their trade secrets? Next time your cell phone rings, remember: even though you may be wearing one of those hands-free headsets, you are not alone in your car. And speaking of the car, you're supposed to drive them, not use them as your de facto phone booth. I can't tell you how many times I've driven behind someone who was moving well below the speed limit and in an erratic fashion, which says to me, "Drunk driver." However, nine times out of ten the driver wasn't drunk--he was talking on his cell phone.

3. When you board your plane or train and find your seat, step out of the aisle pronto. This notion is simple-- even if you have to heave your bags into the overhead bin, at least do it from your seat, not in the middle of the aisle. If you're traveling with kids, shuffle them in first. Kids may not know better to move swiftly, but adults should.

4. Speaking of traveling with kids, remember: little tykes need lots of entertainment. Plan accordingly by bringing plenty of quiet toys, books and games that will keep your children content during a plane or train trip. Also, you may not be able to get your child food at will so bring a sufficient supply of snacks and drink. Not only will your children be happier, well-fed and well-mannered, your fellow travelers will be happier, too.

5. Don't recline your seat. Ever. Unless you're in first class on the train or plane. Have you taken out a ruler lately and measured the room between seats? By using my 12-inch iBook as a measuring tool on my recent flight, I discovered this: when a seat is in its upright position, there's about 14 inches from the back of the seat in front of you to the edge of your seat. When that passenger in front of me reclined her seat, the space shrunk to about 8 inches.

It doesn't take much hard work to become a more polite traveler. In fact, I wish everyone would take a page from a friend of mine's book. She's on a quest to make the world a more courteous place by committing one random act of politeness every day. Maybe if every road warrior or holiday traveler this year decided to do the same--holding the door open for the person behind you, letting a family with children take their seats before you, not honking your horn when traffic isn't moving quickly-- maybe this holiday season the friendly skies (and rails and roads) would once again become much friendlier.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Social Rules That Shouldn't Be Surprising

Have you ever found yourself in a social situation, where you saw someone breaking an unwritten rule of proper behavior and you didn't know how to handle it? For example, my family and I were recently waiting in line at a baseball stadium, waiting to pass through a turnstile. A family of four crossed the pavement from the left and began to huddle next to us. Before we knew it, they were in front of us, about to get in first. (It was hat day at the park so being one of the first into the stadium was key!) My husband looked at me and mouthed, "What do we do?" I said, "Just let it go." I mean, we're two adults and we're years from "Hey, no cutsies--go to the back of the line." I figured that taking the high road in letting these rude people ahead of me was better than saying something, making a scene, and embarrassing my kids--or worse, having the dads get into a fist fight over a spot in line.

A columnist at my local paper recently wrote a piece called Voicing Unspoken Social Rules. The first example in the story was about children showing up at birthday parties--after not RSVPing--and the host/mom scrambling to find favors for the kids. But then things go from bad to worse when one of the non-RSVPing kid's mom decides that her younger child should be a part of the party, too--and then demands a goody bag for her younger child, even though the mom tells her she's run out of supplies. These are the kinds of things that people write to me about, asking for advice, which you can read about in my Q&A on this website's homepage or in my bi-weekly column as The Manners Mom at the very cool website MommaSaid. Back to the newspaper article, the author asks readers to write in and share their experiences with boarish behavior and how they handled things. Readers should see some of that commentary in this weekend's paper. I'm sure that even though I feel like I've seen and heard it all, when it comes to bad manners, that people will share stories of grown-ups behaving so badly that all you can do is shake your head and ask, "What the heck were they thinking?"

Thursday, May 31, 2007

The Movie Theater Police Are Here!

I'm sure that everyone has had an experience in a movie theater where someone nearby was acting inappropriately--talking on a cell phone, shushing a crying child at an R-rated flick, throwing food from the balcony. And what did you do? You just tried to ignore it, lest you find yourself in the middle of a fist fight, all the while silently cursing that rude person.

Movie goers nationwide--you can breathe a sigh of relief (quietly, of course), because the movie theater police are here. I was just reading a movie-themed blog that says Regal Cinemas has started giving out handheld devices to select ticket holders so that they can act as the silent movie theater police during a flick. The original idea for these devices, which look like walkie-talkies, was so that audience members could alert management about poor film or sound quality or other technical problems, without having to leave cushy stadium-style seat (complete with cup holders). But people quickly discovered that they could rat out rude folks in the theater as well.

So now all of you folks who like to dial-out from a flick so you can share a best-parts-version of a movie with your absent friend, beware: the movie theater police might just dial-out to management about your cell phone chatting, and you might just find yourself booted out into the lobby faster than you can say, "Would you like an extra-large popcorn with butter?"!

Posted @ 1:17 p.m.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Blog & Wiki Etiquette

Anyone who has ever frequented an online community knows that there are always a few hot heads in the bunch. Usually, when these hot heads chime in, things quickly escalate to name calling or personal attacks. That's why I appreciated this PC World Article on blog and wiki etiquette. For most of us, this stuff is a no brainer. For others it is a gentle reminder of exactly how to--and how not to--behave when participating in discussions online.

Posted 10:26 a.m.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Humor Can Help Fix a Faux Pas

By now you've probably heard about Miss USA's "have a nice trip, see you in the fall" episode at the recent Miss Universe pageant. If you haven't, here's a brief recap: During the evening gown part of the contest, Miss USA Rachel Smith stumbled and fell. Like a good trooper, she dusted herself off, got back up and continued right on with her promenade--all with a smile on her face. This is probably one of the most embarrassing things that could happen to a person in a beauty contest, but Smith handled it beautifully. Had she been miked, I would have loved to have heard her add something like, "Thank you, I do all of my own stunts!"--a line Jennifer Garner used at a recent Academy Awards ceremony when she, too, stumbled as she entered the stage. It's amazing how a little humor can help fix a faux pas.

Posted @ 12:35 p.m.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Online Tracking Helps When Dealing with Thank-You Note Slackers

One of the most common quandaries people write to me about involves missing thank-you notes and/or people who don't acknowledge when a gift that's been sent arrives. For the longest time I would advise people (the gift sender) to play dumb and call or email the gift recipient to say something like this: "Two weeks ago I sent you a gift for your birthday, and I haven't heard from you. I'm really concerned the gift got lost in the mail. Did you get it?" This was a subtle yet direct way of saying, "Yo, dude, you screwed up in not thanking me for my gift." Most gift recipients get the hint, apologize profusely, and get a thank-you note out the next day. (Nothing like good etiquette under duress.) Others make their gratitude known right then and there on the phone or in the email: "Yeah, I got it. Thanks." Wow, you really want to keep that person on your gift list next year, right?

Now there is a cool way to keep tabs on a gift sent--tracking packages. If you're anything like I am, you're a serial package tracker on the UPS, FedEx or USPS website--sort of like watching an online race across the country. These companies tell you in (almost) real time where your package is (on truck for delivery), or if and when it was signed for. Now when you have to confront a slacker thank-you note writer, you don't have to play dumb--you'll have the data to support your query: "FedEx tells me that my gift was delivered last Monday at 10:04 a.m. Just wanted to make sure it actually made it into the house." Then see how they react. It may be guilting someone into good manners but, people, please, writing thank-you notes is a basic necessity in today's society. If you don't get with the program, it could hurt you (professionally and socially) in the long run.

Posted @ 9:33 a.m.


Thursday, January 25, 2007

Place Your Trays in a Upright and Locked Position, and Show Some Good Inflight Etiquette, Please

By now everyone has an opinion on the Massachusetts family that was kicked off an AirTran plane because their toddler was having a tantrum before takeoff. According to an Associated Press story, appearing on FoxNews.com, this child was climbing under the seats and hitting her parents, and the flight attendants were getting upset because they needed the child buckled into her seat so they could push back from the gate. Oh, and the flight was already 15 minutes late for takeoff.

In the days since this story appeared, two camps of parents have emerged. You've got some parents asking how is it that two adults could not get a three-year-old to sit in her seat, so that they could buckle her seatbelt and the plane could take off. You've got other parents, whose children have special needs, claiming that until you've walked an airport terminal in their shoes, you have no idea how hard it is to calm a child with autism or another kind of behavioral disorder.

While there are no indications in published reports that this child fit this description--and I wasn't there to see what happened first hand--I must congratulate AirTran on their decision to think of the needs of the 112 other passengers on the plane. As a parent who has traveled with my children many times--my eldest was 10-weeks-old when she took her first plane ride--I understand that flying in a cramped airplane is not ideal when you've got a fidgety toddler or a sleep-deprived preschooler. But whenever we fly, we work hard to keep our kids on their best behavior, which is best for everyone's sake. That said I also have witnessed too many parents who don't seem to care if their fidgety toddler or sleep-deprived preschooler is bothering other passengers.

Raise your hand if you've ever had a child kick your seat repeatedly or turn taking down and putting up the seat-back tray into a game--all the while shaking the hell out of your seat? We need some common decency in the air when it comes to kids and traveling, and I hope that this news story is a wake up call to all parents that if you've got to fly with your children, remember this: you are not in your mini van, where you have learned to tune out their screams and shouts. You must keep your kids occupied with food, games and other entertainment so they your kids have a pleasant experience on their flight but, more importantly, so that your fellow passengers do, too. You can't expect to sit back, relax and enjoy the flight, as a parent, until your kids are old enough to entertain themselves. That means that if your kids starts kicking a seat, trying to wiggle out of his seat belt or using anything but an inside voice, you shouldn't get mad when other people give you a glaring look or ask you to control your kid. It's your job to keep your child's good behavior in line, and if you're not up for the job, then don't fly--drive.

Posted @ 8:26 AM


Tuesday, January 23, 2007

There Is Such a Thing Called Break-Up Etiquette

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, many men and women may be starting to worry about how they're going to handle the big VD--that would be Valentine's Day, not an STD--especially when it comes to dates, gifts and, possibly, professions of love. For some, though, the easiest way to avoid Valentine's Day angst is to avoid the person all together--not return phone calls, ignore emails, basically go MIA until February 15th. Not cool.

If you're just not that in to someone enough to spend Valentine's Day, talk about it ahead of time. Let that person know that you understand the pressures that come with Valentine's Day and you really enjoy hanging out with him or her, but you're not at a place in your relationship where having an exclusive date on February 14th makes sense. At the same time talk about whether or not you're going to exchange gifts. It's OK not to. Again, just be upfront and honest about it.

Whatever you do, though, don't just break up with the person before Valentine's Day, only to reconnect after the big day has come and gone. You'll just look like a chicken you-know-what, big baby, and if I were dating you, I would lose all respect for you.

If breaking up is appropriate, because your relationship is going nowhere, and Valentine's Day is the catalyst you need to make the break, at least have the chutzpah to break up in person or over the phone. Don't do it by text or email of, God forbid, by Post-It note.

Posted @ 9:11 AM


Monday, January 22, 2007

Think About Where You Hang Your Coat and Hat

With winter finally fully upon those of us who live in colder climates, chances are that when you go out to eat at a finer restaurant, you'll have the opportunity to check your coat and hat--or whatever else winter gear you schlep with you. I just read an article in The New York Post about the crazy things that people check in coatrooms--or attempt to--like jeans they've taken off or a pet they brought along with them. But the article touched upon and got me thinking about the teeny-tiny etiquette that's relevant to coatrooms, and this is it. Don't forget to tip the coat check person $1 per article you check, except for a sopping wet umbrella--give him or her $3 for that. And don't get mad at the coat check person if you lose your claim ticket. It's not that person's fault. Other than that, bon appetit!

Posted @ 12:10 PM

Monday, January 1, 2007

Go Sweat On Someone Else

On this, the first day of the New Year, millions of people have probably resolved to get fit and lose weight, which means that millions of newbies will be showing up at fitness centers across the country tomorrow. If it's been awhile since you've worked out in a public place like a gym, here are few gym etiquette tips to keep in mind.

1. Don't Sweat on Me. Meaning if you've just finished using the ellipitical trainer, treadmill or stationary bike--and you've sweated all over it--don't leave any wet surprises behind for the next person in line.

2. Mind the Line. Speaking of lines if your gyms has a time limit on exercise equipment, respect it. Draping your towel over the clock on the treadmill does not mean that you can stay on it forever. If you are supposed to walk for 30 minutes only, walk for 30 minute only. Then move on.

3. Class Is In Session. Late for spinning or step? Don't come barging in and plop yourself front and center in the class. You're late so take your place at the back of the room. People will often get to class early in order to secure a good spot. Just because you showed up doesn't mean that you get to go wherever you like.

4. Put On Some Clothes. I realized that a gym locker room isn't the same as middle school gym class where everyone shuffled off to a bathroom stall to change. It's OK to strip at the gym. But for Pete's Sake, don't turn your changing clothes into a naked mile. Get undressed and redressed right away. No one needs to see you parading around naked, even if you think we'd enjoy the show. Um we don't and you're making us uncomfortable.

posted @ 5:47 PM

Friday, December 15, 2006

Hang Up And...

Drive? Give me eye contact? Rejoin the real world? Know what I mean? What is wrong with people and their need to talk on their cell phones RIGHT NOW! Today, I was in Circuit City, with all of the holiday shoppers, and ahead of me in line was a young lady, chatting away on her cell phone. It was her turn to check out and did she hang up and move ahead? Nope. She moved ahead but she kept the phone cradled between her chin and shoulder, and kept on chatting. Her transacation took, maybe, two minutes, yet she didn't have the common courtesy to give the cashier any eye contact or wish him a Happy Holiday as he wished to her, as she walked away, still on the phone. She could have stopped talking on her cell for two minutes, only two minutes, and just that little act would have made someone's world a better place. Note to Santa: I want that bumper sticker that says "Hang Up and Drive." Oh and can you bring headsets to all the other jerks who continue to drive using their handheld phones, even though it's against the law in lots of places now? Thanks.

posted @ 11:42 AM